Youth of today

18 Jul

I’ve concluded that the youth of today are going to hell in a hand-basket. Rude, stroppy little monsters. Loping around, littering, grunting, ignoring their parents and staying up far too late. And that’s just my one year old.

The more I thought about it, the more I realised my daughter is essentially the same as a shopping centre-loitering hoody (but without the fags and can of Relentless).

She gets tired and irritable because she’s awake half the night a d often sleeps through most of the morning.

She doesn’t listen to me. Ever. Or so it seems.

She wants to eat chips for her tea and has no qualms about chucking some of them on the floor, or at me as a form of greasy protest.

She wants to do what she wants to do at ALL TIMES, regardless of my wishes/plans/safety warnings.

She’d happily slump in front of the TV, remote firmly in hand, if left to her own devices.

She wants her own iPhone (or to annex mine, on a full time basis).

She makes a great deal of mess, and fails to tidy up. Ever.

She communicates with grunts and the odd decipherable word.

She frequently rummages through the kitchen cupboards.

She loves a bit of graffiti. Advice: Don’t leave eyeliner within reach of a toddler.

She’s not morally opposed to theft. I found a string of mystery beads in her buggy, I presume they were purloined from a friends house. Or maybe shoplifted from a charity shop.

She’s not adverse to tantrums. I’m sure she’d yell “I didn’t ask to be born” if she had the language skills.

Oh and her trousers often hang off her bum.

I’m hoping as her language continues to develop she’ll be open to negotiation, or at least bribery. At the moment it’s still all Me Me Me. She staggers around like a tiny drunk zombie grabbing at anything that takes her fancy, genuinely believing all things to belong to her, and loudly displaying her displeasure when told No.

She’s the queen of the 10 Second Tantrum. What the heck are the Terrible Twos going to be like? Seriously, what? I need to prepare myself. Kevlar?

I’m blocking out the prospect of parenting a teenager. I’ll jump off that bridge when I come to it.

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